Being Present

Being present, truly present to our life is just so beautiful.
Sinking into the moments of life, whether taking a shower or playing trucks with a child.
This is how we love life and love one another…by being fully here now.
I want to know I matter enough, to me, to be truly here, this moment, to how I feel, to who I am and I want you to know how much you matter and I do that by being truly present with you, listening to and listening in to who you are, how you feel.
Being present is my I love you.

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Dissolution but not disillusioned

For this is wrong, if anything is wrong: not to enlarge the freedom of love with all the inner freedom one can summon. We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily. We do not need to learn it.

– Rilke (Requiem for a friend – 1909)

Sometimes while searching for my own words, the words of someone else arrive in a book, or during a conversation or even in a post on FB, such as this one did, and my heart sighs. Because I need to let go: to allow a vision, a project that I was heavily invested in to simply go on without me. Did I choose to abandon this thing that I love? Did I choose to walk away from the two other women involved? Did I stop loving the work? Have I stopped loving them?

No, I have not. The answer to each of those questions is “no”. I was contacted a few days ago and told that it just didn’t feel as though the three of us – Cat Forsley, Jacqueline L. Robinson and I – were meant to go on recording the podcasts for Her Sacred Kiss together because the energy had changed and it no longer included me. I was hurt. Oh, I wasn’t overly surprised because I had sensed for a couple of weeks something was off kilter and had even asked if the other two wanted to go on without me. But I was hurt.

Endings hurt. Whether we see them coming or not, they hurt and our first instinct is often “no way” or sometimes “how could you?” Fear raises its ugly little head and all kinds of words come into our mind – hopefully not out of our mouth – because this, this time of instantly feeling rejected is NOT the time to speak.

A break up, whether of a marriage, a partnership, a family or a group is never easy and no matter how lovely the words may sound, such as when your boyfriend sits across the table from you and says “it’s not you, it’s me” you damn well know it is about you. Because it is all about you, always. My life is about me. It’s not about you, it’s about me!

Before you disagree so quickly, let me expound a bit. The breaking up of this partnership, for example is about two women out of three going on without the other. I am that other. Whatever the reasons, whatever the understanding, I am left, alone, outside the circle. Even though I didn’t choose to be left, I am. What can I do about this? Can I make them change their minds or their feelings? Can I convince them this project will not survive without me? Can I accuse them of not being fair – because, after all I spent a lot of time designing the logo, for example and being present, fully present for five recordings? See? I told you – it’s about me. I am all I’ve got. How I respond, how I speak, how I work through this. That is what I have to work with. Only that – only me. I can’t change the situation: I can’t change how Jackie and Cat feel or think or see things. I can only affect my own self.

And so it is with my self that I have sat the past few days. I don’t honestly understand how this has come to pass. What I do understand is me. I know who I am. I am a woman who chooses to let go. A woman who chooses to allow those I love to be who they are even when who they are is someone who no longer needs or wants me, for example. I will never chase after you if you decide to leave my life. I will let you go, not because I don’t feel I am worthy to be in your life and not because I am angry at you for leaving. It is just who I am. And so I can let these two women go on with this amazing project without me. I am going to invest myself, my energies in the life that is at hand. I am going to go for a walk along the river or through the woods and pick daisies or capture fungi on my camera. I am going to sing as I fix supper. I am going to cry, perhaps, when I think about how we went from being a unit to being apart, but I am going to continue, always, being me. Because my life is about me and who I am and how I choose to walk this world.

I choose to walk in beauty. That is MY sacred kiss.

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Her Sacred Kiss

There are moments we never forget…relationships that cement our love for one another….projects that come together from a great swell of creativity and awareness of one another’s dreams and desires.

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Since coming home from Atlanta where I spent time with “my women” (and you can read about that here in a post entitled Women Loving Women), three of us have been working on – no, flowing into a new endeavour.  Cat Forsley , Jacqueline L Robinson and I have formed into – okay, you know what?  I’m going to send you over to Cat’s post because, hey, she has expressed all I want to say so beautifully and there is no need to recreate the wheel – ever!

So…click right here…and find out what I’ve been up to and then, click here to listen to US!

Maybe a Harlot

 

You may not like how
God presents through me
look closer
in the very place
the moment
of your discomfort
God is whispering
your name

See me
Feel me
Allow me
to be fully
known

Beyond borders
outside of your
boxes
within
each soul
I am present
in ways you
can only
dream of
and feel
within your
heart

I do not dwell
in man-made
structures
of stone
or of the mind

Allow the possibility
that God is
bigger
more divine
more sacred
than your mind
can ever comprehend

Maybe God
is a Samaritan
after all
or maybe She
is a harlot
What if God
is one of us
How then
to love
that stranger on the bus?

~ Joss Burnel

Why am I here?

I am here to love you
all the jagged edges of your life
all the glorious bits of you
the pieces you gather up
and lock away in your cedar chest
of memories
of moments that are yours alone
I am here to love you.

You are never alone
never broken
never too much
or too little
all of you is loved
by me

I am here to love you
to bathe your heart
with nurture
with grace
to stroke your face
with gentle healing
touches of peace
with the light of love

You are never without
that which you truly need
never lacking
in those moments
when the stillness of your heart
softly speaks – remember
who you are.

I am here
sink into my love
wrap my song
around you like a
velvet cloak
keeping you safe
keeping you warm
I am here
SHE whispers
I whisper.

~ Joss Burnel

HER Temple is my Body

Crowing Crone:

Women loving Women, being love, being loved. Breathe in Jacqueline’s divine awareness.

Originally posted on Jacqueline:

Six women, including me. Six women gathered in my home here in Atlanta two weekends ago. Only two of us – my sister and I – had ever met. The other four women I have loved for nearly five years in the virtual realm of life, although they are women I feel have known me and I them for lifetimes. We shared an amazing sacred retreat together. We laughed, we cried, we came together in quiet contemplation and healing. We opened and gave ourselves to every beautiful moment that offered itself to us. One of these ladies is Joceline Burnel, Crowing Crone Woman of Wisdom and author of If God Was a Woman. She shared a bit about our time together in her post Women Loving Women, if you’d like to feel more deeply into who we are. It was absolutely extraordinary and each of us knows our…

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Women loving women

rose outside home where we met, dripping with HER refreshing rain and, of course, a touch of whimsy in the little worm.

rose outside home where we met, dripping with HER refreshing rain and, of course, a touch of whimsy in the little worm.

Women loving women

Having recently returned from an amazing few days in the presence of my soul sisters – the women who are my home – women loving women is much on my heart.

What really happens when women set aside all cultural norms: drop their protective shields; stop the judging of one another’s looks, homes, bodies, jewelry, relationships, and status?

We are six women. We are in our early 30s and in our late 50s. We are fine grey hair and lush blonde hair. We are five-inch heels and running shoes. We are heterosexual and we are gay. We are tall and thin and we are short and round. We are sexy tops and comfy sweatshirts. We are leggings and we are jeans. We are tattoos and we are freckled skin. We are “here I am” bouncy and “hmmm, you are so loud” quiet. We are single, we are long married. We are home owners and apartment dwellers. We love the city and we are most at home in the woods.

Can you see us? Can you hear us yelling “Anna!” at the airport? Can you feel our presence with one another, sitting in armchairs, sprawled on the couch, stretched out on the floor – listening to one another, seeing angels on the ceiling, reading cards intuitively? Being present?

But what is it we do? Who are we really? We are women who love. Women who have chosen to open our hearts to one another, to be naked in each other’s presence. We have been connected to and through one another for years. We have been together in one home for a magical few days. I kept saying “we have paid the price to be here, together, like this.” Like this? Like this – loving one another, celebrating one another, sending one another prayers, energy, light and hope – reminding one another of who we each are and of the power we have together, in circle.

But what is the price we pay for this? We stop presenting who we think you or anyone else wants to see, wants us to be. We choose to be authentic in every situation. We dismantle our protective walls, sometimes alone, sometimes with the help of one another. We leave behind the way we have been taught to be, the way we’ve been shown women “should” behave, or speak, or appear. We refuse to live on the surface and dig deep into our own hearts and into each other’s heart. We ask the tough questions bathing our words and each other in love and acceptance. We love anyways – the discomfort that one can bring to the other, the challenge of being our own true self, the not always completely understanding where the other comes from – we love anyways. We ask, always, how can this – this person, this situation – be met with love.

We are these six, we have chosen, we have comingled our essence, our spirits and we are women loving women. Sacred, holy, on fire, blessed of God, unassembled in each other’s presence, we take each piece of who we are and we offer it as a sacrifice of praise together. Women loving Women.